~wElcOmE tO mEmOry lAnE~

2002-08-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

last night, i became mentally and emotionally and physically destroyed...

2002-08-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

It feels great chilling with the guys. Made me forget about the things i'm going through right now... joking and lauging about practically every single thing that comes to mind. Jon's and Tim's little rendevouz to B.K. to get our refills while we wait at the chinese place we were eating at. HAHA! Surprise they didnt' get caught. Yeah... i need more moments like that. I'm glad i went with them. Even though the night wasn't exactly a fairytale ending, it still felt good being with them. Even though Kung Pao was the biggest disappointment in the 21st century, at least i wasn't alone feeling irritatingly and sadly depressed watching that movie. HAHA!!!

song of the day: RL, Case, Ginuwine, Tyrese - The Best Man I Could Be

Standing here alone
Trying to face another day
Got to stay strong
To endure this pain
I'm dealing with right now
It flips my whole life upside down
I don't want your help
I don't need your sympathy

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be

I made a big mistake
And I'm feeling so ashamed
I don't want to lose our friendship over this
I've got to keep the faith
Cuz i'm still your boy
I've got your back
That will never ever gonna change
So i can just side the truth
And keep smiling in your faith

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be

I keep struggling but I'm trying my best
I've got some issues with my own confidence
Lord help me to forgive and forget
Can you please help me to be a better man
Brother after the darkest nights
Shines the brightest sun
I ain't the man I used to be
I"m better than before

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be...

2002-08-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Home alone today. Both of my brothers left for work early in the morning. And when i woke up, i found myself bored with nothing to do. Oh well. A typical day for me.

2002-08-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

2 weeks left before school starts. EH!!! oh well. it's not like my summer's been all that great. Hopefully school will compensate for the great things i could've had.

2002-08-08T06:13:00.000-07:00

My day started really early in the morning. 3:36am to be exact. Took a nap for 2 hours before i woke and took my cousin, his wife, and baby dylan to the airport to leave for Maryland for the weekend. Really tired but i don't wanna sleep. Anyways, you would not believe what happened when my brother and i were leaving the parking lot. As we were paying for the parking ticket, the lady said it was 5 bucks. To show how unfortunate we were, we were short a dollar! A freakin dollar! My brother and I prollie spent about 20 minutes scrapping for some lose change in the car. But we could only come up with 30 something odd cents. I was thinking "why can't this lady just take the money and let us through?" i mean it's only a dollar! It wouldn't hurt the parking company to lose ONE FREAKING DOLLAR! Fortunately, the parking security came to our rescue and paid for the last dollar. Thank God for people like him. Bless his kind heart. He was even cool with it and made a lil joke asking "when are you gonna pay me back?" HAHA! My brother said, "just give me your number and i'll call you." Thank goodness God gave him a kind heart to pay for the dollar we didn't have. If it wasn't for that guy, my brother and i will prollie still be in the parking lot scrapping and begging for a dollar. HAHA!

thought of the day: If you have patience and faith, good things will happen.

2002-08-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

whoa! we found the camry! it was in the back parking lot of hoa's complex on sherman way and de soto. it's been there for a week according to the people who work there. Damn that person! It's more of an insult that he didn't take any components of the car at all! only my damn cds and cd player!!! GRRRR!!!! God that pisses me off even more! He broke the locks so now it won't lock, broke the ignition thingy, and left a big fucking scratch on the front bumper! WTF?!?!? i swear i hope when he dies, God will send that person to hell and have satan fuck that asshole in the ass so bad that that person will wish he was never born and had stolen the car! Now we have to pay for fucking repairs for the car! ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

2002-08-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

omg! my old old old......OLD friend Jonathan Duay from the Philippines found my bro's sn somehow! Now we're talking! it was very unexpected buy i'm so very excited to talk to him again! it's been like 6 years since i've talked to him! It feels so incredibly GREAT to talk to him again! Now i don't have to wonder anymore how they're doing back in Pinas(philippines) cuz i can talk to them and catch up with him and his family! OMG! i'm so excited!!!!!!!! I just wish we have a webcam so we can see each other as we chat! WOW! This day can't be any better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-08-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

alright! I had some boba today and some chicken bites! Now that's a way to start off your day. Some boba and some chicken bites... HMMMM... Thanks Gretchen! Anyways, what did i do today... Let's see i woke up and played counterstrike for a bit while watching some of my morning favorites. *Jennie Jones, some MTV, some Sports Center(Tennis: Sampras vs. some guy... I hope Sampras won), and some BET*. Then i picked up Gretchen to go get her physical for volleyball. Brrrr... Getting a physical is so scary. I don't know about the girls, but it's really scary beyond belief and very traumatizing to what they do to a guy when he gets his physical... especially if the person that conducts your physical is a guy! EWWWW!!!! Never again i'll get a physical unless if my life depended on it or.... if it's a girl that conducts it =P. Then we got boba and some chicken bites from lollicup. hmmmm..... boba and chicken bites.... hmmmm..... oh did i mention i got some boba and some chicken bites? haven't had boba in awhile. *I should go there more often* Then we went to my house cuz Gretch wanted to see my "evil" brother. HEHE. He's so mean to her. o well. It's good for laughs. Then i was forced to watched PASSION. Well not forced but i had to keep her company and she wanted to watch Passion, so i had no choice but to watch it with her. That show have so many twist and turns. *then again what soap opera doesn't?* ...Stupid hollywood rejects... if i were the script writer, i'd have everyone sleep with each other and make all the girls pregnant so they have to guess which ones the father of their child. HAHA! i'm so devious! Well that would've been a good story line since everyone sleeps with each other anyways. hehe. o well. then i played counterstrike as Gretch watched on. *I think she's bad luck cuz i always die when she's watching AND everytime she goes to my bro's room to watch him play Medal Of Honor, he dies too.... Controversial? Nah... she's just bad luck. HAHA!*

2002-08-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

whoa... this is out of the ordinary... my day actually wasn't that bad. actually, it was a pretty good day(well towards the afternoon at least). I talked to a friend that i haven't talked to in a while. Very unexpected but it actually made my day better. I would have never expected that the person that i haven't talked to in a long time would IM me and make my day better. I soooOOOooooOo didn't expect it. But i guess that's how life works. The person you least expected to make your day better actually does the complete opposite. It's really weird, but it felt good; especially when that person just comes along and makes a huge difference on you. Could my prayers be answered and begin to get out of this feeling that has hurt me and others? Hmm... i certainly hope so. Watch out world! i think things are starting to pick up again for me and you better be prepared for me after all the shitty feeling you've caused me. I think i'm progressing... i think... well let's just wait and see. :-P

2002-08-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

nothing seems to be going my way. i try to separate myself from everything i've grown close with, hoping that i'll find a way to make everything better. I can't take it anymore. I just want to disappear from this world...

2002-08-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

i need to get away from all the distress i've been feeling lately. I just need some time to be alone with myself for a while. For the last several weeks, i was heading nowhere but rock bottom. Mentally and emotionally, i've been out of it. My distress has entrapped me and has kept me from being content. I need to be alone. I need to get away from the things that has chained me and has broken me down. I'm sorry to everyone that i'm hurting with this decision. I'm really sorry....

song of the day: Craig David - Walking Away

Sometimes some people get me wrong
When it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun
That's why you turn and run
But now I truly realize
Some people don't wanna compromise
Well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
And well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh, to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh, to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
Things you say you're driving me away
Whispers in the powder room baby
Don't listen to the games they play
Girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
Coz I saw them with my own eyes
You should've been more wise
And well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away...

2002-08-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

waking up today feeling down and out, i realized one more thing. I realized that time isn't the only thing that changes people. Time contributes to why or how a person changes. There are also other things that causes a person to change: the places they go, the places they've been to, the people they meet along the way, what the situation is, etc. All these things changes people. They have to adapt to their surroundings and with the people they're with to be comfortable, even if it means leaving some things behind. If they keep holding on to the past in hopes that the person you've depended on over the years will be there with you all the time, they'll never be able to move forward. They'll be going in circles, retracing the steps of the past. That's why we must let go, no matter how difficult it may seem, and learn how to live our own lives, even if it means letting go of someone or something.

quote of the moment: if you keep retracing your footsteps, you'll never make new ones...

2002-08-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

Lately, i've been feeling down. i guess it's because everything's changing so fast with so little time to even realize that so many thing's have changed already. Everything's going so fast. In a matter of weeks, school will start and as much as i don't want to admit it, i'm not gonna be able to spend time with my friends who start school late. My's leaving soon and probably won't see him til winter break. I'll be busy with my own school. When am i gonna have time to be with my friends? I just can't believe that we have to go our separate ways. Sometimes i wished that we're still in high school, however, i know a lot of my friends don't feel the same way as i do. I guess the reason for a part of me wanting to stay in highschool is because that brought us together. It's one of the times when we get to have lunch together, talk, laugh, and smile together. I'm afraid that when college starts, a big part of my past will just fade away. Like my screen name, it'll be just a memory. It would be comforting if somebody tells me they feel the same way. But what's the chances of that. I'm sure everyone's excited of moving out of their houses and staying at their respective colleges, while i go to my own, go home, and sit in my room reminiscing about the past. I wonder if any of them actually feels the same as i do. If not it's ok. I guess times have changed. People change. And as much as people don't want to admit it, as much as I don't want to, time does change people. It breaks my heart and bring tears to my eyes that i have to feel this way alone.

quote of the day: Some things are meant to last; some are meant to fade. But it's up to you which ones you want to keep and cherish.

song of the day: One Voice - Come With Me

I got a call
A telephone call today
Somebody's offering a job
Thousand miles away
And I wanna take it
It's the opportunity of a lifetime
But I need a second opinion
An opinion other than mine

So I, I'm turning to you
Because you always seemed to know what to do
When times like these arise
I call on my only true friend in the world, my world

So I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so, are you coming with me?
I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so
Come with me

I never wanted anything but want you with me
You were the one who said to follow my dreams
Of having a house, a car, a view of the stars
And a beautiful life
So I need someone to go with
I need some love in my life

So I, I'm turning to you
Because you always seemed to know what to do
When times like these arise
I call on my only real love in my life
You are my life, my life, my life

So I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so, are you coming with me?
I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so
Come with me

I need you to come with me
Come with me, come with me, come with me
Come with me, come with me, come with me
Come with me......

2002-08-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

had to wake up at 5:30 cuz my mom woke me up. she told me to go to my dad in the emergency room in west hills hospital. i was a bit concerned... quite terrified actually... and was anxious to get there. It's a really scary moment for me cuz i don't know what i would do if something would have happened to my dad. But i had to freaking wait for like another hour before i can see him. When i finally did, he was resting. Then half an hour later, the nurse told us the results of his ct scan. Thank goodness there was nothing seriously wrong with him. Blood pressure's a lil high but they gave him prescription for it. I let out a big sigh of relief. Damn... what if something had gone wrong? what there was something wrong with him? I don't know what i would do. I'm worried. I'm scared......

2002-08-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

why do i keep pushing myself down? once i feel like the whole world's crumbling down on me, instead of fighting it, i just accept it. before i try to attempt to get myself back in the right track, i just let everything crumble on me. why do i keep submitting to this awful feeling and repress myself from doing something about it until everything feels like shit to the point where i can't handle anything anymore? i hate myself for being like this...

2002-08-03T17:37:00.000-07:00

hmmm... it's like my 6th day writing this blog and i'm running out of words to say; out of things to talk about. I guess in the last couple days, i've been uninspired to write something. when things don't go your way, and you feel like eveything's just crumbling down on you, that motivation and inspiration just vanishes into thin air. I guess my next topic is something about being inspired.

Hmm... it's really difficult to do anything if you're not inspired to anything. Like right now. I lack the inspiration to write this blog. As you can see, i'm picking up topics as i blabber myself in this blog. But fortunately, my being uninspired has given me somewhat of an inspiration to write this blog. It's weird. It feels like a part of me is gone. I guess you need inspiration to do something. And i wish i have it right now. My life in the past couple days has been dull and cloudy; finding myself awake late at night wondering what i'm doing up. I feel so lost lately. My mind and heart felt like it ceased functioning. I need something that will inpire me to become myself again. I wish i could find what's been missing lately that makes me feel like this. Or maybe this a test of my faith, like what i've said in my very first entry. Maybe this is one of my dark moments and my faith is just being tested. Whatever it is, i need to be inspired to feel like myself once again.

quotes of the day:
"Love is one giant leap. I've just never been inspired." ~Leopold
"Even though I was inspired, I don't think i can jump." ~Kate

song of the day: Boyz II Men - I Will Get There

I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me

[Get there] And I'll get through this
[Get there] I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer

(I will get there) I will get there
(I will get there) I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now

I will get through the night (Oh, yes, I will)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there

I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I'll stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall

[Get there] I will do this
[Get there] No matter what it takes
'Cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination, I will get there

I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there (Ooh) somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now

I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
(Ooh, get there) Get there
(Get there) Get there

Well, the night is cold and dark
But somewhere the sun is shining
And I'll feel it shine on me
I'll keep on tryin', I'll keep on tryin'

I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow
Cross that river (Cross that river)
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side
Get there, get there

I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross that river for you)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (Oh…whoa…I)

I will get through (Through) the night
And make it through to the other side (Oh…ho…oh…ho…)
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there (Whoa…oh…)

I will get there (I will get there)
I will get there somehow (Somehow)
Cross that river (I'll cross it for your love)
Nothing's stoppin' me now (No matter what)

I will get through the night (I will get through the night)
And make it through to the other side
(Get there) Get there
(Ooh, get there) Get there

Get there

Oh…ho…oh…
I'll get there...

2002-08-03T01:25:00.000-07:00

three straight nights and i still haven't figured out why i can't sleep. I've just been so restless lately... i dont' know why. Is there something wrong with me? I mean i know i'm tired as hell but i just can't find a way to fall asleep. what IS wrong with me?

2002-08-02T15:40:00.000-07:00

it's weird how the last couple of days i haven't been able to sleep. I find myself awake in the middle of the night doing nothing. Even when i'm tired and exhausted from my day I still can't find a way to fall asleep. Insomnia? i don't know... Then i think about what's lies ahead in the future. It's starting to be a daily routine for me. Up late at night, can't sleep, restless, and subconciously thinking about the future. my future. I don't know if thinking is a productive thing but that's the only thing that i seem to be able to do 2-3am in the morning. i don't know what else to say...

2002-08-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning in cold sweat. My chest pumping fast; my mind seemed lost and worried. I realized that everything will change after this month. I realized that i won't have the same opportunity as i did before. I sat on my bed in utter disbelief that i won't be able to see her as much anymore. It's a rude awakening for me. As hard it is for me to admit, i have to accept the fact that things won't be the same. As it gets closer to that day, it breaks my heart more and more. I never thought that it would be this hard and painful to not be able to see the one you love as much. I just wish that i could've done more when i did have the opportunity. If i could, i'll turn back the hands of time and make each precious moment count. But i didn't take advantage of that opportunity. I'm sorry... I just want you to know that i love you no matter what happens and you'll be in my heart always...

May 27, 2000...

song of the moment: Drop N Harmony feat. Premiere - When You Love Someone

Out of the blue she came to see me
It's been a while since we've been apart
Truth be told my knees they were trembling
I swear I felt like a little child
For she was more beautiful than ever
A healing sight to my own eyes
And the fact that we were together
Never crossed my mind
So I asked her how she's been doing
Is she seeing someone new?
She replied her vibe was something was missing
And I'm thinking it might be you
That's when she put her arms around me
And laid her face on mine yeah
Shortly thereafter she lifted her hand
And gently kissed my lips

Cause when you love someone
Truly love someone
No matter how hard you try
Sometimes you can't let go
And if the one you love
Should feel the same way in return
Then make the one you love yours forever

We talked all night well into morning
Catching up on days gone by
Before I left he said he had something to show me
And what he showed me brought tears to my eyes
All over his room were cards and pictures
Reminiscing the one world gone
Then cheeck to cheeck he softly whispered
To you I dedicate my soul

Cause when you love someone,
Truly love someone
No matter how hard you try
Sometimes you can't let go
And if the one you love
Should feel the same way in return
Then make the one you love yours forever

Suddenly I feel the sunlight shining down upon me
Like it never has before
From now on I promise that together we'll be
Inseperable forever more
We'll make it better than it was before
When you love someone
No matter how hard you try
Sometimes we can't let go

Cause when you love someone,
Truly love someone
No matter how hard you try
Sometimes you can't let go
And if the one you love
Should feel the same way in return
Then make the one you love yours forever

My heart's found its way back home
My baby's never gonna have to worry
about a thing I'm down for him until the end
She's the love of my life...

I love you Linda...

2002-07-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

what to write... what to write... well after talking with a good friend, i decide to have the topic of our conversation as my topic for today. Is it easier to find a best friend or is it easier to fall inlove? Well to be honest, i think finding a best friend is harder. First of all, an average person wouldn't trust a complete stranger. I mean you wouldn't just talk to anyone about your problems in life to some guy u just met five minutes ago would you? I didn't think so. A best friend takes a lot of effort and trust in that person. And most of all, it takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Most likely, best friends aren't either. It takes a lot of courage just to trust that person and knowing the average human being, courage comes very scarcely sometimes. And the thought that you're entrusting your problems with this person makes it even more difficult.

However, falling inlove is pretty much instantaneous. why i say that? Well think about it. How many people do you know fall for a girl/guy right away? maybe not many but you can use them as an example. Often, they see something that appeals to them, usually looks, they go crazy about it. And usually, that's what attracts us to a certain person. And often, people fall for them just for the looks. sad but true. Many people fall inlove without even knowing the deeper and true essence of the person they find themselves attracted to. They just fall because that person loooks good. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to fall in love based on looks. Anyone, perhaps everyone, has been through this. You can fall inlove with anyone as easy as counting from 1 - 10, unless if you don't know how to count then that's a totally different story.

To sum it up... this whole thing is my general belief of this topic. I'm sure a lot of you have different opinions from what i have. But i'd like you to think about it sometime and count how many times you've fallen for someone easily, maybe not in deep sense, but just in general, and think about how many best friends have you had. Then compare the two and see if the ratio match my opinion. Well if you do fall inlove many times, hopefully it would be with that same person you wanna spend the rest of your life with.

quote of the day: As I watched the sun set into the horizon, I cried and thanked the Lord for giving me another day to witness such a beautiful thing.

song of the day: Musiq Soulchild - Half Crazy

Never thought that we would ever be more than friends
Now I’m all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings
We both thought it was cool to cross the line
And I was convinced it would be alright
Now things are strange, nothings the same
And really I just want my friend back

And my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on
Said my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on

I’d hate to walk away from you as if this never existed
Cause when we kissed the moment after I looked at you different
Lately I gotta watch what I say
Cause you take things personally nowadays
You used to laugh now you get mad
Damn I just want my friend back

And my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on
Said my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on

What happened to the one I used to know
The one I used to laugh and joke with
The one I used to tell all my secrets
We used to chill and be down for whatever whenever together

And my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on
Said my mind’s gone half crazy cause I can’t leave you alone
And I’m wondering if it’s worth me holding on
we used to chill we used to hang
we used to do we used to do some many things together
yeah yeah yeah yeah
oh oh
yeah
oh oh oh...

2002-07-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time...

A prince was searching for his princess...

And when he found her...

He cried...

Because his journey was over...

And his life was beginning.

to my one and only...

2002-07-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

ALAS! After hours of xeroxing and feeding paper into the machine, and playing counterstrike in between, 7 chapters are finally done and 2 more to go! whoa... that psych book was long as hell! *what i would do for that girl...* (sorry jon if we used up too much of your toner) well i guess when you're inlove, you'd do pretty much anything for the girl/guy you're inlove with, even if it means spending many hours copying 7 chapters of a book. Speaking of being inlove, let that be my next topic to talk about.

A common question that often comes to mind when you're inlove is would you do anything for the person you're inlove with? Obviously, it's easy to say that you'd do this and that to the person you cared about, but would you actually do it? well some people say that they'd walk the seven seas; some say they'd sacrifice their lives for them. but isn't it practically impossible to walk the seven seas? would you really take away your own damn life just to show how much you love that person? i don't know about you but killing yourself for the person you love is not sacrifice but plain stupidity or insanity in my book. Why do we say we'll do things if it's practically impossible to do such task? Wouldn't it be easier if we do the possible things instead to show that we care about the person? Instead of walking the seven seas, wouldn't it be easier *more meaningful if i may add* to just walk next to the person you love and hold their hand? Wouldn't it be a million times greater if you live and love the person instead of taking your own life just to show how much you care? I believe so. When you're inlove, time is precious. It it senseless to do mere impossible things if you could just use that time wisely and be with that special someone. I think they'll appreciate your presence more than you wasting your time walking the seas or killing yourself. So before you say something senseless such as "i'll travel across the universe just to be with you" or "i'll walk the great wall of china for you", stop and think about what your saying. What you need to do to show you care is to be with them. Do the things that are possible. Don't say you'll do something gigantic cuz most likely you're not gonna do it *unless you have super powers of some sort that is* Otherwise, do the things that matters to the person you love. Be there with them. Walk with them. Talk with them. Do the little things that matters most. Tell them you love them and show it by doing the things they ask you to do; not some irrational , out-of-reach thing. So as much as you don't wanna do the things they ask you to do, if you love them, do it. So if they ask you to copy an entire book *as much as you hate copying a 17chapter 600+ page book* just do it. Besides, when you're inlove, it's all about the person you love and nothing else.

last remark: Tell the person you care about you love them. Better yet, show them.

song of the day: Devotion - More Than Words *original version by Extremes*

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Is not that I don't want you
Not to say it but
If you only knew
How easy
It would be to show me how you feel

More than words
Is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Cause I already know

What would you do
If my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That you're love for me is real
What would you say
If I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

Now that I have tried to
Talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is
Close your eyes
And just reach out your hand
And touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go

More than words
Is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Cause I already know...

2002-07-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

well i just finished playing starcraft with my bro and soon enuff, i'll be falling into the zone of book copying at jon's house. 9 chapters... i think that's a lot. damn! it's ok. i just hope me, jon, and m-y don't slack off and fall behind or else linda's gonna kill us, or maybe just me. well i should prepare myself and switch to book copying mode or else it's gonna be a long day. well wish me luck? please? *i really don't wanna do this but do i don't really have any other choice... save me!*

quote for now: If the shoe doesn't fit, it ain't yours.

2002-07-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know what influenced me to start writing this blog. Perhaps because there's been so many things happening all at the same time: college, people leaving and being left behind, the doubtful and unpredictable future that lies ahead of me. Perhaps because of all the things that's been happening around me, I finally couldn't hold my thoughts inside and just needed to say it out, yell it out. But knowing me, I'm not good with words, so this blog is the perfect candidate for my thoughts.

Well, I guess a good way to start this baby off is to introduce myself. To all of you who don't know me, I'm Michael. I was born in the city of Manila, Philippines, on a cold, rainy, winter night... wait a minute... the Philippines is so friggin hot that it doesn't even seem like winter exists. Well then... moving on. I'm currently living in so cal in the San Fernando Valley in the city of Winnetka(10 min from Northridge. You know... the famous Northridge Quake back in '94?). Anyways, I'll be a freshman at Cal State Northridge this upcoming school year and will most likely be there til I get my major; then maybe perhaps go onto graduate school at MIT. HAHAHA! yeah rite! I wish!!! Anyways, I'm currently going out with Linda Nguyen. and i'm hoping that this relationship will last for a long time. 2 years and 2 days baby! yeah! Well, I think I should stop with this intro and let the rest of this blog tell you my thoughts. Speaking of thoughts, let me move on to my first topic: highschool friends.

Whoa! College already? I can't believe that 4 years of unbearable highschool has already passed by. It seems like it was only yesterday when i first entered highschool. I have to admit that there's nothing like it. I guess i'm saying that highschool is where you really begin strong friendships with people. For 4 years, you chill with the same people and learn each others' likes and dislikes. Though there's many days and weeks when you feel like you can't stand the person next to you, you have to be somewhat thankful that you've went through such thing; kinda makes highschool more interesting. Besides, you can talk smack about that person behind their back. hehe jk! But most of all you have to give thanks to those people who have helped you throughout your darkest and loneliest hours, especially when you go to school feeling like shit, eyes drowning in tears, chest pounding so hard that it feels like your lungs are about to burst out, and when you feel like the whole world's crumbling down on you. The time and effort that those people have spent on you just to bring some kind of sunshine back into your life kinda makes you don't wanna leave highschool because as much as you don't wanna accept the fact, those same people who's helped you along the way are gonna go on in their separate ways, leaving so many things behind, perhaps including yourself. So don't be to anxious to leave highschool and move on to college because you won't be realizing what you're leaving behind until that day comes closer when you say your goodbyes with the people you've become great friends with. So cherish highschool... well maybe not highschool, but your friends that has made an impact on you and always remember that the foundation of that strong friendship all started in highschool.

closing remarks: Cherish the past. Live the present. Reach for the future.

song of the day: kai - count on my love

count on the rain
it's gonna fall
there will be days
when you'll wonder if you can keep holding on
and as hard as you try
there will be nights
when you'll feel like you're gonna break down and cry
alone and in need, if you say a prayer
and reach out to me

i will be here right by your side
count on my love everyday of your life
i will be here pulling you through
count on me loving you

count on a dream
falling apart
there will be times
when you'll feel the whole world is breaking your heart
and when you're afraid
if you close your eyes
and call out my name

i will be here right by your side
count on my love everyday of your life
i will be here pulling you through
count on me loving you

through all your tears
and through all the pain
you can count on my love
every step of the way...

last thing:
sometimes, i see myself fail; fail myself and everyone around me. i lose hope and i lose sight of my faith. i lose the confidence to live life. but a good man said once, "God is testing you and your faith. this is how He's testing your faith because He wants your undevided attention. now that He's got your attention, God wants you to listen to Him and obey Him. follow His way and He will deliver, and you will live life better than before." so to everyone who is struggling in life, it is merely a test of your faith. a faith in what? it could be anything you believe in. something that you believe in that will help you get through in your darkest hours in your life. so just have faith and someday you will walk in a path that will have light shining from above to light your way to whereever your destination may be...