Sunday, August 11, 2002

last night, i became mentally and emotionally and physically destroyed...

Friday, August 09, 2002

It feels great chilling with the guys. Made me forget about the things i'm going through right now... joking and lauging about practically every single thing that comes to mind. Jon's and Tim's little rendevouz to B.K. to get our refills while we wait at the chinese place we were eating at. HAHA! Surprise they didnt' get caught. Yeah... i need more moments like that. I'm glad i went with them. Even though the night wasn't exactly a fairytale ending, it still felt good being with them. Even though Kung Pao was the biggest disappointment in the 21st century, at least i wasn't alone feeling irritatingly and sadly depressed watching that movie. HAHA!!!

song of the day: RL, Case, Ginuwine, Tyrese - The Best Man I Could Be

Standing here alone
Trying to face another day
Got to stay strong
To endure this pain
I'm dealing with right now
It flips my whole life upside down
I don't want your help
I don't need your sympathy

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be

I made a big mistake
And I'm feeling so ashamed
I don't want to lose our friendship over this
I've got to keep the faith
Cuz i'm still your boy
I've got your back
That will never ever gonna change
So i can just side the truth
And keep smiling in your faith

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be

I keep struggling but I'm trying my best
I've got some issues with my own confidence
Lord help me to forgive and forget
Can you please help me to be a better man
Brother after the darkest nights
Shines the brightest sun
I ain't the man I used to be
I"m better than before

What can a brother do for me?
He can help you up when you are down
What can a brother do for me?
He can be your eyes when you can't see
What can a brother do for me?
He can help me be the best man I can be...

Home alone today. Both of my brothers left for work early in the morning. And when i woke up, i found myself bored with nothing to do. Oh well. A typical day for me.

Thursday, August 08, 2002

2 weeks left before school starts. EH!!! oh well. it's not like my summer's been all that great. Hopefully school will compensate for the great things i could've had.

My day started really early in the morning. 3:36am to be exact. Took a nap for 2 hours before i woke and took my cousin, his wife, and baby dylan to the airport to leave for Maryland for the weekend. Really tired but i don't wanna sleep. Anyways, you would not believe what happened when my brother and i were leaving the parking lot. As we were paying for the parking ticket, the lady said it was 5 bucks. To show how unfortunate we were, we were short a dollar! A freakin dollar! My brother and I prollie spent about 20 minutes scrapping for some lose change in the car. But we could only come up with 30 something odd cents. I was thinking "why can't this lady just take the money and let us through?" i mean it's only a dollar! It wouldn't hurt the parking company to lose ONE FREAKING DOLLAR! Fortunately, the parking security came to our rescue and paid for the last dollar. Thank God for people like him. Bless his kind heart. He was even cool with it and made a lil joke asking "when are you gonna pay me back?" HAHA! My brother said, "just give me your number and i'll call you." Thank goodness God gave him a kind heart to pay for the dollar we didn't have. If it wasn't for that guy, my brother and i will prollie still be in the parking lot scrapping and begging for a dollar. HAHA!

thought of the day: If you have patience and faith, good things will happen.

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

whoa! we found the camry! it was in the back parking lot of hoa's complex on sherman way and de soto. it's been there for a week according to the people who work there. Damn that person! It's more of an insult that he didn't take any components of the car at all! only my damn cds and cd player!!! GRRRR!!!! God that pisses me off even more! He broke the locks so now it won't lock, broke the ignition thingy, and left a big fucking scratch on the front bumper! WTF?!?!? i swear i hope when he dies, God will send that person to hell and have satan fuck that asshole in the ass so bad that that person will wish he was never born and had stolen the car! Now we have to pay for fucking repairs for the car! ARRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

omg! my old old old......OLD friend Jonathan Duay from the Philippines found my bro's sn somehow! Now we're talking! it was very unexpected buy i'm so very excited to talk to him again! it's been like 6 years since i've talked to him! It feels so incredibly GREAT to talk to him again! Now i don't have to wonder anymore how they're doing back in Pinas(philippines) cuz i can talk to them and catch up with him and his family! OMG! i'm so excited!!!!!!!! I just wish we have a webcam so we can see each other as we chat! WOW! This day can't be any better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright! I had some boba today and some chicken bites! Now that's a way to start off your day. Some boba and some chicken bites... HMMMM... Thanks Gretchen! Anyways, what did i do today... Let's see i woke up and played counterstrike for a bit while watching some of my morning favorites. *Jennie Jones, some MTV, some Sports Center(Tennis: Sampras vs. some guy... I hope Sampras won), and some BET*. Then i picked up Gretchen to go get her physical for volleyball. Brrrr... Getting a physical is so scary. I don't know about the girls, but it's really scary beyond belief and very traumatizing to what they do to a guy when he gets his physical... especially if the person that conducts your physical is a guy! EWWWW!!!! Never again i'll get a physical unless if my life depended on it or.... if it's a girl that conducts it =P. Then we got boba and some chicken bites from lollicup. hmmmm..... boba and chicken bites.... hmmmm..... oh did i mention i got some boba and some chicken bites? haven't had boba in awhile. *I should go there more often* Then we went to my house cuz Gretch wanted to see my "evil" brother. HEHE. He's so mean to her. o well. It's good for laughs. Then i was forced to watched PASSION. Well not forced but i had to keep her company and she wanted to watch Passion, so i had no choice but to watch it with her. That show have so many twist and turns. *then again what soap opera doesn't?* ...Stupid hollywood rejects... if i were the script writer, i'd have everyone sleep with each other and make all the girls pregnant so they have to guess which ones the father of their child. HAHA! i'm so devious! Well that would've been a good story line since everyone sleeps with each other anyways. hehe. o well. then i played counterstrike as Gretch watched on. *I think she's bad luck cuz i always die when she's watching AND everytime she goes to my bro's room to watch him play Medal Of Honor, he dies too.... Controversial? Nah... she's just bad luck. HAHA!*

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

whoa... this is out of the ordinary... my day actually wasn't that bad. actually, it was a pretty good day(well towards the afternoon at least). I talked to a friend that i haven't talked to in a while. Very unexpected but it actually made my day better. I would have never expected that the person that i haven't talked to in a long time would IM me and make my day better. I soooOOOooooOo didn't expect it. But i guess that's how life works. The person you least expected to make your day better actually does the complete opposite. It's really weird, but it felt good; especially when that person just comes along and makes a huge difference on you. Could my prayers be answered and begin to get out of this feeling that has hurt me and others? Hmm... i certainly hope so. Watch out world! i think things are starting to pick up again for me and you better be prepared for me after all the shitty feeling you've caused me. I think i'm progressing... i think... well let's just wait and see. :-P

nothing seems to be going my way. i try to separate myself from everything i've grown close with, hoping that i'll find a way to make everything better. I can't take it anymore. I just want to disappear from this world...

Monday, August 05, 2002

i need to get away from all the distress i've been feeling lately. I just need some time to be alone with myself for a while. For the last several weeks, i was heading nowhere but rock bottom. Mentally and emotionally, i've been out of it. My distress has entrapped me and has kept me from being content. I need to be alone. I need to get away from the things that has chained me and has broken me down. I'm sorry to everyone that i'm hurting with this decision. I'm really sorry....

song of the day: Craig David - Walking Away

Sometimes some people get me wrong
When it's something I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun
That's why you turn and run
But now I truly realize
Some people don't wanna compromise
Well I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies
And well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh, to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh, to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
Things you say you're driving me away
Whispers in the powder room baby
Don't listen to the games they play
Girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
Coz I saw them with my own eyes
You should've been more wise
And well I don't wanna live my life too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away oh to find a better day
I'm walking away...

waking up today feeling down and out, i realized one more thing. I realized that time isn't the only thing that changes people. Time contributes to why or how a person changes. There are also other things that causes a person to change: the places they go, the places they've been to, the people they meet along the way, what the situation is, etc. All these things changes people. They have to adapt to their surroundings and with the people they're with to be comfortable, even if it means leaving some things behind. If they keep holding on to the past in hopes that the person you've depended on over the years will be there with you all the time, they'll never be able to move forward. They'll be going in circles, retracing the steps of the past. That's why we must let go, no matter how difficult it may seem, and learn how to live our own lives, even if it means letting go of someone or something.

quote of the moment: if you keep retracing your footsteps, you'll never make new ones...

Sunday, August 04, 2002

Lately, i've been feeling down. i guess it's because everything's changing so fast with so little time to even realize that so many thing's have changed already. Everything's going so fast. In a matter of weeks, school will start and as much as i don't want to admit it, i'm not gonna be able to spend time with my friends who start school late. My's leaving soon and probably won't see him til winter break. I'll be busy with my own school. When am i gonna have time to be with my friends? I just can't believe that we have to go our separate ways. Sometimes i wished that we're still in high school, however, i know a lot of my friends don't feel the same way as i do. I guess the reason for a part of me wanting to stay in highschool is because that brought us together. It's one of the times when we get to have lunch together, talk, laugh, and smile together. I'm afraid that when college starts, a big part of my past will just fade away. Like my screen name, it'll be just a memory. It would be comforting if somebody tells me they feel the same way. But what's the chances of that. I'm sure everyone's excited of moving out of their houses and staying at their respective colleges, while i go to my own, go home, and sit in my room reminiscing about the past. I wonder if any of them actually feels the same as i do. If not it's ok. I guess times have changed. People change. And as much as people don't want to admit it, as much as I don't want to, time does change people. It breaks my heart and bring tears to my eyes that i have to feel this way alone.

quote of the day: Some things are meant to last; some are meant to fade. But it's up to you which ones you want to keep and cherish.

song of the day: One Voice - Come With Me

I got a call
A telephone call today
Somebody's offering a job
Thousand miles away
And I wanna take it
It's the opportunity of a lifetime
But I need a second opinion
An opinion other than mine

So I, I'm turning to you
Because you always seemed to know what to do
When times like these arise
I call on my only true friend in the world, my world

So I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so, are you coming with me?
I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so
Come with me

I never wanted anything but want you with me
You were the one who said to follow my dreams
Of having a house, a car, a view of the stars
And a beautiful life
So I need someone to go with
I need some love in my life

So I, I'm turning to you
Because you always seemed to know what to do
When times like these arise
I call on my only real love in my life
You are my life, my life, my life

So I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so, are you coming with me?
I, I want to know
If you really want me to go
And if so
Come with me

I need you to come with me
Come with me, come with me, come with me
Come with me, come with me, come with me
Come with me......



had to wake up at 5:30 cuz my mom woke me up. she told me to go to my dad in the emergency room in west hills hospital. i was a bit concerned... quite terrified actually... and was anxious to get there. It's a really scary moment for me cuz i don't know what i would do if something would have happened to my dad. But i had to freaking wait for like another hour before i can see him. When i finally did, he was resting. Then half an hour later, the nurse told us the results of his ct scan. Thank goodness there was nothing seriously wrong with him. Blood pressure's a lil high but they gave him prescription for it. I let out a big sigh of relief. Damn... what if something had gone wrong? what there was something wrong with him? I don't know what i would do. I'm worried. I'm scared......